I was playing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain on my PS4. I loved it so much, I nearly had an erection. Then a user called "hieatmylollipops2456456" messaged me, saying "Download this game on your PC" and sent me a link to the game's website. I thought nothing of it at first, but decided to download it on my shitty PC and play it anyway. The game was called "PCMASTERRACE".
Yeah, no. PS4 master race, beaches!
Anyways, I decided to boot up the game, and the title screen was a bloody background, with a broken PS4, Xbox ONE, and Wii U. They looked hyper-realistic. Then Shia Lebouf popped up, saying "JUST... PLAY IT!" And the sound was something that could rape your ear. Luckily, my volume was only 15%. I tried to exit the game, but, then, Bill Gates popped up, asking "Trying to quit, Retard?" I was surprised. The game knew my real name. I decided to play it. On the character select screen, there were only 4 consoles. An Xbox One, a PS4, a Wii U and a Dreamcast. The were actually a few other consoles, like the Atari Jaguar, but they could only be unlocked by getting the premium version of the game. Which was literally $50.99 USD. Why would I pay that much money just to unlock the premium version of a waste of coding?
I decided to play as the PS4 first. It was a 3D game. I was in a first person view. Of a PS4. I was in a mansion, apparently of a fat kid who is obsessed with his PC. And hated the consoles that his brothers and sisters had. The main objective was to survive until 6:30 PM. If the kid found you, his eyes would be bloody and hyper realistic, and he would smash you with the kind of baseball bat Negan used to kill Glenn in the Walking Dead comic. I started Day 1. 5:00 AM. I had to survive for 13 1/2 hours? (I am a retard, and I don't know what in-game hours are)
The game wasn't like the objectives said. In the darkness, I saw Shrek with a fat kid mounted on his back. I ran upstairs as quickly as I could. I expected to be rooms up there, but no. It was Shrek's swamp. I tried to run downstairs, but I realized Shrek and the kid were already chasing me. In my inventory, I had a Sniper and I 360 Noscoped Shrek. He didn't take any damage at all, so I just jumped off the staircase. I figured out there was an option to switch to third-person view. I saw that the PS4 was missing some parts. I had taken some damage. I realized I couldn't run anymore. I could only walk now.
Eventually, Shrek and the kid caught me. Shrek picked up the PS4 I was playing as, and made a huge breath. I could almost feel the breath as if it was real. I realized what was happening. I was being seduced by Shrek. "Hey, Retard" Shrek said. He was breaking the fourth wall! I tried to run, but I couldn't. I could feel Shrek's hyper-realistic fingers running up my body, even though he wasn't with me. The kid screamed "WHY DON'T YOU KILL RETARD?"
Shrek immediately threw the kid down on the ground, and said to him "it's all ogre now...". The screen cut to black, and there were sounds of a PS4 breaking. This time, I was back in the house. But there were writings on the walls. And they all said "ayy lmao"
I noticed I was playing as a Wii U now. I looked at the dining table, and saw a broken PS4. I cried a river when I saw my favourite console broken, even though it was in a video game. I looked behind me, and saw the fat kid playing on the PC, stepping on Shrek's head. Ha. I ran upstairs, and this time, no swamp. Just rooms. I went into one of the sister's rooms, and hid in their closet. I heard footsteps...
But it wasn't coming from the game, it was coming from inside my house. I opened my bedroom door, to see Donkey standing outside. I got my AK-47 and shot him. Everyone in my house woke up. My parents and my three brothers. They came charging towards me, and attacked me because Donkey died. I used the Bane of Shrek to chase them away. Meanwhile, in the game, the closet in which I was hiding in opened, and there was nothing but a gaming laptop. I attacked the gaming laptop, however, it counterattacked by electrocuting me. And before the Wii U totally died, I heard a voice say "Kudos for being a crappy console".
I COULDN'T STAND THIS MADNESS! I went Super Saiyan, chose the Xbox One, and went on a rampage in the fat kid's house. I killed the fat kid by electrocuting him, however, I couldn't kill Shrek. I realized that, in my inventory, I had the Bane of Shrek. How did this game know what my secret weapon in REAL LIFE was? Anyway, I used the Bane of Shrek to behead Shrek. Yay! However, the PC had infinite defense and infinite attack, so I couldn't kill it. The PC just said "begone" and my XBOX ONE died.
I played as the Dreamcast now. I went towards the PC, and suddenly the PC broke down. I guess I killed the PC with the power of nostalgia. But, suddenly, I heard a voice saying "This is not over yet" and the PC came back to life and cummed on my Dreamcast. FFS. And I got to a screen saying "Game over". When I brightened up the image, there were words saying "You should've got the premium version". And I got a screamer of a hyper-realistic Ronald McDonald, with words saying "Console peasants, PC is better". I sighed, destroyed my PC with Flight 11. I went back to play on my PS4, and I saw it was broken. I looked at my body and I realized that I was a fat kid.
I'm coming for you, hisuckmylollipops24659659 or whatever your name is.